I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize