Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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