Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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