I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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