So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
