so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
