You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize