Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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