She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
