don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize