So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
