It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
