I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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