It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
