New invention idea: vibrating tampons
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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