those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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