haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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