He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
