I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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