as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
