I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
