So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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