that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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