I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
