I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
