reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
