So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
