and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
