The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
