M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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