GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
