Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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