how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
