so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
