I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
