he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
