Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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