dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
even my farts smell like vagina
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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