just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I pour the whiskey from now on
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
