No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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