Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Randomize
