i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
