ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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