I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
