***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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