I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
