You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
