They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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