you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
