i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
