I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize