There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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