it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize