I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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