I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
