Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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