Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
