my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
