I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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