i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
