Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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