Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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