fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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