I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
