Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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