She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
