If that was your dad, he is hot
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Randomize
