Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
